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So there I was, three Redbulls deep, clicking furiously, scouring the net for, well, nothing and everything at the same time. As is usually the case, right when I had given up hope (discussion question: how does one give up hope when one is seeking nothing in particular? Discuss amongst yourselves) I stumbled across the treasure I didn’t even realize I was looking for: the lamest forum ever! Check this out, mortgage brokers …..calm down, it gets better….exchanging in-the-field war stories about…..wait for it….. the CRAZIEST loan applications they’ve ever had to fill out! Holy crap I nearly flipped out of my chair. Not because of the forum, because of the amount of Redbull coursing through my veins.Upon reading the opening statement I was immediately sucked into the conversation, I’m sure you’ll understand why.
“Borrower called yesterday and I took and full 1003 app on a 2×2 yellow sticky I had in my car. Front and back. Subprime but hey it will close. What place, paper, object, area did you take a free note 1003 app? Thought we could end the 2007 year with a few laughs.”
Just look at these things……Hilarious!
I’ve never been called a “borrower” before. Makes me feel, kinda dirty. A full 1003 app on a 2×2 yellow sticky? Pure madness! I’d hate to bore people with my skydiving experiences next to this guy at a party.
Me: So after jumping out of the plane at 14,000ft, I completely missed my target and landed in someone’s swimming pool.
Loan Ninja: BORING! That’s why we call you people “bore-owers”. Last night I closed a subprime loan on a yellow post-it. Beat that!
Me(defeated): I can’t.
My favorite is when he throws out the question of where and how others have taken these wild and crazy 1003 apps, in an attempt to close out the year “with a few laughs”. My sides are splitting already. How starved for joy and humor are these poor souls, that loan application stories are being called in to entertain the troops? Well, believe it or not, I found one that actually made me smile, for the wrong reasons no doubt (I’ll explain later), but a smile nonetheless.
“Borrower told he was in the club business, told me to come to his place w/my laptop and take the loan app. at 10:00am. Well, showed up, heard the music bumping, okay! Walked in and it was auditioning time for Topless dancers, sat down took the loan app. and, well forgot to ask about the disclosures on the 3rd. page. Stayed for lunch, steak with all the fixings and mix drinks. Ya-ta-ya-ta-ya-ta, ended up doing tons of 100% SISA’s for the dancers! Now the girls know me as “Loan Man!” Great Times!”
This post made me laugh for two reasons. The first being how the borrowee (take that!) capitalized the word “Topless”. Apparently the word has been elevated to the status of proper noun, much like the Golden Gate Bridge or Tito’s Taco Palace. Sorry dancers, no big letters for you, only for your lack of tops.
The second cause for laughter is the concept of an actual “Loan Man”. Worst superhero EVER.
Student: Man, how am I ever going to afford law school?
Random deep voice: “This looks like a job for….LOAN MAN”
Passer by: Look to the sky it’s a briefcase…..it’s a pocket protector….no, it’s Loan Man!”
Hiding behind his giant $, and a cape made entirely out of 1003 applications, Loan Man protects his secret identity: Alone Man.
Wow…..I need to quit drinking redbull. And maybe get a business loan and find something better to do that write posts about loan-based superheroes.